We often hear, and rightly so, how important it is to create a healthy environment. But what does that really mean? I don’t believe there’s a one-size-fits-all approach. What energizes some people can be draining for others. The first question to ask yourself is: What does a healthy environment mean for me? This exercise can be really fun! In personal development, we often take things too seriously, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Approach the process with curiosity, not judgment, and get excited about discovering more layers of yourself.
You can make it enjoyable: for example, by playing some music you love, lighting some candles, getting comfy on the couch, or grabbing some colorful crayons to write down your observations. The key is to really feel into it and answer based on what feels good for you. While learning from experts is valuable, we all have our own inner wisdom. We can only recognize what truly aligns with us when we start paying attention to what our body is telling us—before we rationalize it based on societal expectations, family values, or cultural norms. The body knows first.
Once you have a sense of what a healthy environment feels like for you, take a look at your surroundings. Does your environment reflect that vision? As humans, we are built for connection, so it’s natural for us to respond to what’s around us. That’s why so many people travel alone or seek places that challenge everything they were taught growing up. When we feel that our surroundings are clashing with our core values and we can’t hear ourselves amidst the noise, we often seek new experiences or places to reconnect with who we are. What surrounds us shapes our sense of "normal," and when we travel, we begin to realize that what’s "normal" is different in every part of the world. The beauty lies in finding—or rediscovering—your own voice and creating your own version of normal, a way of living that empowers you and those around you.
So, what happens when the people in your inner circle don’t align with the life you want to lead?
Do you simply cut ties or dismiss them? That’s not always possible, nor is it always necessary. Personally, at this stage in my life, I’ve found that when someone is consistently toxic and draining your energy in a negative way, and no positive change occurs despite having a kind conversation with them, it might be time to take some distance. That doesn’t necessarily mean cutting them off completely—distance can be a way to create space to stay connected to yourself and set boundaries with kindness.
When someone close to you doesn’t align with how you live your life, a good question to ask is: Are we aligned on our core values? For example, my best friend and I lead very different lives. She has a different approach to health, movement, and spirituality than I do. But she empowers me because she offers a different perspective—one I can either agree with or choose not to. The foundation of our friendship, however, is built on shared values of honesty, integrity, and kindness. She respects my expression of these values, and I do the same for hers.
Something I feel is increasingly lost these days is the ability to disagree with respect and kindness. It’s by making space to hear another perspective that we can widen our own vision, learn, and evolve. Every new idea was created by disagreeing with what was already there. When we surround ourselves only with people who think, act, and live the same way, how can we possibly expand our experiences and perspectives?
It all comes down to listening to your body.
What signals is your body sending you when you interact with someone? Ask yourself this question regularly—not just once. Regularly check in with your body to see how you feel after interactions with people, especially if you’re unsure about how aligned you are with them. For instance, with my best friend, we can get really passionate about our opinions, but we almost always laugh together afterward, because at the core of our relationship is love and mutual respect. Almost every time I interact with her, it feels comfortable, good, and nourishing.
For people with whom I find it more challenging to have open conversations, or where core values aren’t fully aligned, I tend to see them less frequently. We still appreciate each other and enjoy pleasant moments together, but we don’t meet up on a daily or weekly basis.
With people whose core values are completely opposite to mine, I’ve found that, eventually, the relationship simply doesn’t last. There’s no right or wrong in this—it just doesn’t align. A good thing to remember is that when I talk about core values, I mean how those values are actually lived, not just spoken about. It’s in our actions, not our words, that we show what we truly value. For example: honesty is a core value for me. I have completely cut ties at one point with a person who continuously lied, altered the truth to suit their own narrative, and hurt people massively along the way. This wasn’t done overnight but over a period of almost 4 years, where I first gave the benefit of the doubt, then believed the words, and at one point just focused on the actions. It then became clear, and I was able to disconnect. The most important messenger, however, was my body—it signaled long before my mind understood. Almost every time I interacted with this person, I felt on edge, sad, angry, or agitated. I realized that this wasn’t triggered by an internal trauma response (requiring my own inner work), but from a core value disalignment that I found draining.
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