The answer to this, like so many of life’s questions, starts with self-awareness.
How well do you really know yourself? Are you in tune with your needs, your joys, your sorrows? Can you recognize what gives you energy—and what drains it? And most importantly, are you able to listen to your body’s signals? Because, your body knows first. When you practice to listen to its whispers, it supports you to make decisions in alignment.
3 simple checkpoints
When we say ‘yes’ to things we don’t want to do, it can quickly build up in our bodies, manifesting as stress, frustration, and exhaustion. The true beauty of life lies in our ability to create moments of joy, alignment, and peace. We can experience this more often by tuning in to ourselves and making choices that truly resonate.
So, how do we know what’s aligned with our core? Here are three reflective questions to consider before you give your answer:
1. What is your body telling you?
Pause and check in with your body. How do you feel when you think about the activity or person involved? Do you feel joy, ease, or excitement? Or do you feel tightness, stress, or discomfort? Pay attention to where these feelings show up in your body. For example, do you feel tension in your chest or stomach? When you dive deeper, is it because you feel like you can't fully be yourself with this person, or is it fear of stepping out of your comfort zone?
Tuning in to your body is a practice, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Sometimes, pushing through discomfort leads to growth and new confidence. But, if what you feel is stress that doesn’t serve you, trust that it’s okay to say ‘no.’
2. Are you staying true to yourself?
Are you quickly overwhelmed in certain situations, like crowded spaces? If so, don’t be afraid to communicate that kindly and suggest an alternative. For instance, instead of meeting in a noisy café, you could suggest a calm picnic in the park. There’s always a way to make things work without compromising your well-being. Remember, there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to life—we’re all unique.
3. Is this decision for you or for someone else?
Ask yourself: Is this choice motivated by a genuine desire to do something for yourself, or is it a result of people-pleasing? People-pleasing often stems from seeking external validation, while alignment comes from a deep sense of internal self-worth.
What if someone responds badly?
It’s crucial to filter out the relationships or situations that don’t match your energy. When you communicate transparently and kindly, but someone dismisses your needs entirely, it may be time to reassess that relationship. You are not responsible for how others react to your boundaries. But you are responsible for how you honor yourself.
A question I’ve been asking myself recently when I'm uncertain about how to respond in certain situations is: “Would I treat this person the same way they are treating me, and still feel good about it?” If the answer is “yes,” then I know the discomfort is an internal trigger I need to work through within myself. But if the answer is “no,” then I realize it's time for me to communicate my boundaries. Why would I accept behavior from someone else that I wouldn’t feel comfortable exhibiting myself? By asking this question, I give myself the confidence to stand in my values and assert my boundaries with clarity, knowing that I deserve the same respect I offer to others.
Gentle reminder that this is a practice and you will get it wrong some times (I know I do!), however the more we practice it, the clearer it gets.
The power of pausing before you respond
Let’s normalize taking a moment before we give an answer. Not everything in life requires an instant response, and it’s okay to take your time. Sure, there will always be moments when saying ‘yes’ is necessary, or when a decision isn’t entirely ideal for you. But the practice is to tune in first, to check in with yourself, and then to communicate with kindness and authenticity.
This practice also helps you gauge how much energy you’re giving and receiving. Sometimes, it feels good to stretch your boundaries because it’s part of a beautiful dance where you both give and receive. Other times, it’s necessary to honor your needs and set limits in order to maintain balance.
In the end, tuning into yourself helps you make choices that support your well-being—and brings more joy and contentment into your life.